Sue Scheff: Bullying – Is your child a buster or a bystander?

As the news continues about the rising rates of bullying, parents need to take a stand.  Determine if your child is being bullied or possibly a bully.  Has your child witnessed another child being teased?  Is he/she a bully bystander or will they be the one that busts them (tells the teacher or person in authority)?

The U.S. Department of Education cites the following ways in which bystanders and peers of victims can be negatively affected by acts of bullying:

• They may become afraid to associate with the victim for fear of lowering their own status or of retribution from the bully and becoming victims themselves.
• They may fear reporting bullying incidents because they do not want to be called a “snitch,” a “tattler” or an “informer.”
• Some experience feelings of guilt or helplessness for not standing up to the bully on behalf of their classmate.
• Many may be drawn into bullying behavior by group pressure.
• They may feel unsafe, unable to take action or a loss of control.

Bullying has become a vicious trend that although is not new, it is escalating as it spreads into cyberbullying.  We are hearing about more children suffering with depression and committing suicide that may have links to them being bullied or teased in school or outside of school.

To find out more parent tips visit Connect with Kids - Bullying Bystanders.

Be an educated parent, learn all you can about bullying.  Talk to your children and encourage them to do the right thing.

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Sue Scheff: Teens and Community Service – Teen LINK

Encouraging your teens to get involved in their community by volunteering can help your child build their self confidence as well as bring sunshine to those in need.

Many high school students may need community service hours, which can help motivate your teen.  Once they start giving back they will soon feel the rewards of paying it forward.

Volunteering is so much more than helping others, it is helping yourself.  It can feel so good to put a smile on another face, or simply have a dog look forward to their walk.  The little things in life are major to those that are need.

In South Florida, there is TeenLink which offers a listing of places that are looking for teen volunteers.  From working with the elderly to giving museum tours, there is something for everyone.

Select a category that interests you. Just click on the link to view all volunteer options for that category. Some organizations require you to register or contact an event coordinator prior to volunteering. Use the contact information provided. For the most recent updated volunteer opportunites, click on “Do it Now” located on the right. Happy volunteering!

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Sue Scheff: Teach By Example – Lend a Hand to Those In Need

Going through difficult times can be stressful and overwhelming, especially if you are raising children.  Whether a crisis hits your family or you are in need of assistance with elderly people, there is an organization that reaches out and give you inspiration to receive a helping hand.

Lotsa Helping Hands was created to support family caregivers and volunteers by empowering their circles of community who are eager to help those in need. Many people don’t realize there are many others in their community that are there for them if they are struggling. 

Lotsa Helping Hand’s mission is to provide the communication resources facilitating a world where caregivers feel empowered to ask for help, and in so doing, improve their own health and quality-of-life; volunteers can become part of the solution when family, friends, neighbors or colleagues are in need of help, and community becomes a recognized way to find meaning in both giving and receiving.

Many have experienced the crisis of a friend or loved that was suddenly not able to provide for their family or themselves. Perhaps it’s an illness or post rehabilitation that requires weeks or months of bed rest.

Possibly it’s a complicated pregnancy or a cancer diagnosis requiring frequent chemotherapy appointments. In many instances of acute medical crisis or long-term family caregiving, those affected must also cope with quickly finding support for meal preparation, grocery shopping, transportation for themselves and their dependent family members.

It is often difficult for patients and family caregivers to ask for help. And if help is offered, managing that help can be a significant part-time job: coordinating family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and church or synagogue members who do not all know each other can be complex and time-consuming, with endless phone tag, too much food delivered, and forgotten commitments.

Lotsa Helping Hands community helps build emotional and spiritual support as you face the many issues surrounding everyday caregiving.  They offer assistance for military families, elderly, schools, parenting, religious groups and more.
 

Inspired by a true story in Guideposts Magazine, Care Calendar, Lotsa Helping Hands is helping thousands of families! 

Pay it forward, tell a friend in need.

Read more on Examiner.

Sue Scheff: Teens Helping Hurting Teens

TO SAVE A LIFE is now in over 400 screens in theaters nationwide.  To Save A Life is a powerful Indie movie about the real-life challenges of teens and their choices. But it’s more than just a movie-it’s a feature-length film with follow-up opportunities like a youth group curriculum and a teen devotional centered around the biblical concept that we’re never more like a Higher Power than when we are reaching out to the hurting and lonely. Watch trailer below.

At some point, every teen has to decide: “What’s my life going to be about?” To Save A Life dares to bring that question into their world, encouraging them to answer it with boldness and honesty.
 

ABOUT TO SAVE A LIFE

An all-star athlete and his girlfriend find their lives spinning out of control when Jake loses a childhood friend. Help comes when he reaches out to others who are hurting, and he realizes some people are just dying to be heard.

The movie asks…

• How far would you go?
• How much would you risk?
• How hard would you fight…TO SAVE A LIFE

To Save A Life has also created a website for resources for parents.  Teen depression is very real.  Parents need to be aware of the warning signs and symptoms.

There are several symptoms of teen depression. Among them are:

• Withdrawing from family and friends
• Losing interest in social and extracurricular activities
• Displaying a lack of energy, Feeling tired most of the time
• Anxiety, Irritability, Anger,Feelings of sadness for much of the time
• Significant weight fluctuations
• Sleep pattern changes
• Physical pains and aches, or sickness, even though there is nothing physically wrong
• Indifference about the future
• Uncharacteristic pessimism,Guilty feelings
• Lowering self-esteem
• Suicidal thoughts

There are two main types of teen depression. These include:

• Major depression: This type of teen depression is of short duration, although it is quite severe. It is possible to have a bout of severe depression, feel fine for a few months (or even years), and then have another bout. For teens, though, even one bout of severe depression can feel as though it will never end and prompt a suicide attempt.
• Dysthymia: Dysthymia lasts much longer than major depression, and the feelings are not as severe. Some teens have this low level depression plague them for years without having it diagnosed. This type of depression can also lead to teen suicide if the teenager becomes discouraged with never feeling happy.

Another type of teen depression has to do with life changes. It is called adjustment disorder with depressed mood, and it can be the result of the death of a loved one, divorce, moving to a different town, or even changing schools. This, too, can lead to teen suicide if the teenager feels hopeless, and that the feeling will never end.

This film helps educate parents, teachers, and others that work with today’s teenagers as well as will bring an awareness to teens and allowing them to know that we do care.  Growing up today is not easy; Peer pressure, drug abuse, gangs, trends, sex and more is what many kids are facing on a daily basis.

Currently To Save a Life is  playing at Regal Cypress Creek Station 16 in Ft. Lauderdale.  For more information and theaters near you, visit http://www.tosavealifemovie.com/tickets/.

Watch the trailer below.  Be an educated parent – you will have safer and healthier teens.

Watch trailer here.

Sue Scheff: Inspiring Girls through Girl Scouts!

Have you received the knock on your door?  Have gone to do your grocery shopping and meet by moms and daughters selling Girl Scout cookies?  What about your local Walmart?  Almost everywhere the average person goes today until February 9th,  you won’t be able to miss the opportunity to not only buy these cookies we love (and we all have our favorites), you will have a chance to build a child’s self- esteem.

It is not so much about the delicious cookies you will receive for your $3.50 a box, it is about making a young girl feel good.  It is about contributing to an organization that is constantly working on teaching integrity, respect, responsibility and much more to young girls today.

South Florida Girl Scouts is one of many chapters that participate in many community service hours.  They offer many fantastic activities and opportunities to meet new people and give back to your community. Watch video below.

Are you interested in joining, volunteering or finding out more about the Girl Scouts? 

Discover – Connect – Take Action - Join now…. Click here for more information.

The Girl Scout Promise:

The Girl Scout Promise is shared by every member of Girl Scouting. The Girl Scout Promise is the way Girl Scouts agree to act every day toward one another and other people.

On my honor, I will try:
To serve God* and my country,
To help people at all times,
And to live by the Girl Scout Law.

* The word “God” can be interpreted in a number of ways, depending on one’s spiritual beliefs. When reciting the Girl Scout Promise, it is okay to replace the word “God” with whatever word your spiritual beliefs dictate.

What is your favorite Girl Scout cookie?  Read more and watch video here.

Sue Scheff: Parenting Teens – Is Honesty Always the Best Policy?

Honestly, is being honest always the best policy?  In most situations we all would agree honesty is admired and a sign of integrity.  However when it comes to parenting, how much do our children really need to know and when?

Parenting teens today is challenging and most teenagers today enjoy a good challenge.  How much of your teen years do you feel like you should share with your teenager?  Of course, it all depends on what happened in your adolescent years. 

• If you have a teen that is dabbling in drug use, and you have repeatedly shared your experience with using drugs, will the teen see this has condoning the drug use?  Keep in mind, drug use today is more dangerous than it was years ago.
• Did you have sex too early?  Is it appropriate to share your sexual experiences with your teenagers?  Will this give them permission to do the same, or would they learn from your mistakes?
• Were you involved in juvenile issues when you were a teenager?  Do you think sharing these experiences would help your teen not to follow that path, or would they feel it would be o-kay since you did it?
• How much should you tell your teens about your financial situation?  Should they know your salary?  Should they be aware of when you are behind on your payments?

These questions could go on and on.  Although lying is frowned upon, it may not be necessary to share everything with your teens.  As a matter of fact, that is why we are the parents and they are still minors.  Depending on your teenager will depend on how much you want to tell them and how much you won’t. 

Remember, our children are impressionable – they look up to parental influence, so before you decide to share your Woodstock days, you may want to consider your teen’s personality.

Be an educated parent, you will have safer and healthier teens!

Read more on this topic here.

Sue Scheff: Wilderness Programs – Are they right for your troubled teen?

What is a “Wilderness Program?”  If you are a parent that is struggling with a teenager that is out-of-control, you will surf the Internet and attempt to find help.  Many parents first think of boot camps as a resolution – a way to teach our teen a lesson.  Then you realize that maybe that is not the best avenue and you are somehow directed to wilderness programs.  Not always, but especially if you have hired an Educational Consultant, their first recommendation is commonly Wilderness programs.

There are many very good Wilderness Programs in our country, however the question remains, are they necessary or should you go directly to where most teens eventually end up:  Residential Therapy program.

Wilderness programs are mainly designed to break a teen down.  Although they are not punitive, in comparison to a boot camp, they are primitive, forcing your teen to appreciate the luxuries he had at home.  However, a residential therapy program can do the same thing, since many are not designed by Hilton (TM).  Have you also thought about this:  Your teen is already broken down, why do we need to continue to break him/her down?

Let’s look at the pro’s and cons. 

• Wilderness programs can cost you up to $500.00 a day. Yes, a day.  Some start as little as $250.00 a day (Yes, as little as).  Now multiply that by 30 days or actually 6 weeks, since the average stay in Wilderness is 6-9 weeks.  At the low end: A month in the mountains will cost you $7500.00.  That is questionable to many, as well as out of the financial means of many more.
• Wilderness program rarely have academics.  Fact is your teen is probably not focused on academics and could care less about them.  Working on their emotional stability is the goal here, however it shouldn’t be an excuse to delay education.  Although your child may not care about their education, you do. 
• Wilderness programs are short term.  Short term program, short term results and a lot of money.  In most cases they go on to residential programs which will run you about another $5000.00 a month and up for another 10-12 months.  Wouldn’t it make sense to start and finish at the same place with the same therapist and the consistency of recovery?
• Wilderness programs are sadly where we hear of the most deaths or accidents in teen help programs.  It is true, accidents can happen in any program, however when listening to speakers in congress while attempting to pass a bill to stop abuse in residential programs, it seemed the parents that lost a child in a program were mainly in Wilderness programs.

Some positives:

• If your teen has not escalated to a point of serious concern, and is just starting to make some poor choices, maybe a 6-9 week wake-up call is all that is needed.  As long as you can afford it, and remember, if they decide he/she needs more than the 6-9 weeks, you need to be prepared to go the next step.
• The teen is removed from their home environment.  They are put in a place of isolation and maybe this is just what they need to reflect on their current negative behavior.
• There are some excellent Wilderness programs with very good and caring staff in our country.  Many teens that had a wilderness experience really feel it was very good.  Many parents also believe that the Wilderness program helped their child get ready for the next step, residential therapy.
• Wilderness programs offer a great opportunity for your teen to live outdoors and experience outdoor therapy.  With some teens this is very beneficial. 

This is a personal decision, and although I am not an advocate of Wilderness programs I can appreciate and respect parents that believe they need this extra step and it has worked for them.  It is my philosohy that starting and finishing at the program is part of the consistency of healing.  Having to switch programs and therapists (especially) and starting over, can feel like you have fallen back to ground zero. However, each family is different with different needs, so this is an individual decision.

Is Wilderness right for your teen?  Only you can answer that.

Order Wit’s End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen for more information on finding the best placement for your individual needs.

Also on Examiner.

Sue Scheff: Sex Offenders – Do you know who lives in your neighborhood? (The Lovely Bones)

December 6, 1973, the day Susie Salmon was murdered. 

On her way home from school on a snowy December day in 1973, 14-year-old Susie Salmon (“like the fish”) is lured into a makeshift underground den in a cornfield and brutally raped and murdered, the latest victim of a serial killer–the man she knew as her neighbor, Mr. Harvey. – Amazon.com

The Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold, is an amazing novel that recently came to the big screen.  Although the story is depressing, it is a reminder of how parenting has changed dramatically since the 70’s.  Parenting in the respect of our kids having the freedom to roam neighborhoods and simply walk home from school by themselves.  Today we are all too aware of educating our kids about “stranger danger” and we are more protective than generations prior.

Does this mean that our parents were not as diligent as parents are today?  No, not exactly, it only means we have become more aware of the dangers that can lurk in our neighborhoods or at a local park.

Teach your children about stranger danger.  Teach your kids how to talk to strangers since it is inevitable they will at one time or another. 

Sex offenders watch lists:

• Family Watch Dog - Awareness is your best defense
• Map Sex Offenders – Nationwide sex offender mapping
• United States Department of Justice – National Sex Offender website

Be an educated parent, you will have safer children.

Watch video and read more on Examiner.

Sue Scheff: Tips for Teens To Go Green

Did you miss the part 1?  Go back for the first half of great going green tips for teens.

8.  Go Veggie Once Per Week. The commercial meat industry takes a huge toll on our environment. It takes 4.8 pounds of grain (fed to cattle) to produce one pound of beef, as opposed to serving those grains directly to hungry people. One pound of wheat can be grown with 60 pounds of water, but a pound of red meat requires 2,500 to 6,000 pounds of water. In a world where water, land and energy are premiums, making a small cutback in the meat you eat is healthy for the planet, as well as your body.

9.   Instead of Buying Bottled Water, Get a Refill. Ever see an empty water bottle tossed by the side of the road? Less than 20% of those single-use containers make it to the recycling bin. They also waste fuel for shipping – water is heavy! Get a cool metal bottle instead and fill it up when you’re thirsty, and cut down on the expense and waste.

10. Get a New Shampoo - and Make It Natural! Typical drugstore shampoos can have some pretty scary-sounding chemicals in them (just look at the labels!), but why take the risk of putting all those lab compounds on your sensitive scalp? Lots of companies make more natural shampoos from plant extracts and even organically certified ingredients. They smell great, and are less toxic to make.

11. Download (Legally!) the Latest Album from an Eco-friendly Star. John Mayer. KT Tunstall. Dave Matthews Band. Kanye West. A number of today’s hottest musicians are also going green in big ways, by running tour buses on clean-burning biodiesel and recycling all their show waste. Do your part by buying music online, which cuts out waste from shipping and all those CDs and cases.

12. Ask Potential Colleges About Their Eco-Practices and/or Check Out a “Green Collar Career.” College can be the best time of your life, but you don’t want to be dragged down by a school that doesn’t get your green values. Fortunately, many colleges are leading the way with exciting recycling and reuse programs and even eco-friendly dorms! Whether you seek higher ed or not, think about a career that makes a positive difference: not just park rangers, but also teachers, government workers, organizers and media.

13. Buy a Comfy Organic Cotton T-Shirt. Cotton is one of the most pesticide-intensive crops, and millions of gallons of toxic residue runs off cotton fields into rivers and lakes, poisoning wildlife. Plus, why put something that had been treated in harsh chemicals so near your skin? Organic cotton is now widely available (from H&M to Wal-Mart to boutiques), in the cutest styles and graphics.

14. Take Friends and/or Family to See The 11th Hour. Leonardo DiCaprio’s recent doc is a heavy hitter, but it’s also inspiring and gorgeous. It just may be the push to get your dad to start recycling his papers, or your friend to stop littering. And it’s pretty entertaining.

15. Make Your Next Cup of Coffee Organic and Fair Trade. Coffee may pep you up, but it may have been grown under chemical-intensive conditions that destroy rainforest and poison poor workers. Organic means no industrial chemicals are used, and fair trade means growers are given incentives to protect local forest and tend plots sustainably. They are paid a decent living wage, so you can feel proud about what you’re buying.

16. Earn Great Grades (Mother Nature Needs Smart People to Help Protect Her). Sure, you’ve heard it a million times before: it pays to stay in school. Here’s one more reason: human population, and consumption rates, continue to swell, while habitat for wildlife shrinks. Global warming, ozone damage and acid rain are scary stuff. Humankind can right a lot of our wrongs and invent new technology to live lighter on the Earth, but it will take a lot of smarts.

17. Green Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend. Everyone knows that a significant other can influence our behavior in major ways. So way not encourage your honey to cut down on unnecessary trips, turn the water off while brushing his/her teeth and other common-sense tips? You’ll grow closer together as you share in protecting the Earth.

Source: The Daily Green, Brian Clark Howard

Did you miss part one? Go back.  Also on Examiner.

Be an educated parent, teach your teens to go green! Watch video.

Sue Scheff: Steroids and Teens – The Dangers

With the recent admission in the news about Mark McGwire using steroids throughout his career has shocked some people.  How do we explain this to our children and our teens, especially our athletic ones that looked up to this sports hero?

Ad Council started a campaign a few years ago, Don’t Be An Asterisk. Whether it is a potential college scholarship or just helping the team win, some teens feel pressure to do whatever it takes to get an “edge“, even if it means taking steroids or other illegal substances.

Use this opportunity to explain to your teens about the dangers of steroid use. 

• Steroids affect your heart. Steroid abuse has been associated with cardiovascular disease, including heart attack and stroke. These heart problems can even happen to athletes under the age of 30.
• Steroids affect your appearance. In both sexes, steroids can cause male-pattern baldness, cysts, acne, and oily hair and skin.
• Steroids affect your mood. Steroids can make you angry and hostile for no reason. There are recorded cases of murder attributed to intense anger from steroid use.
• Steroids increase your risk of infection. Sharing needles or using dirty needles to inject steroids puts you at risk for diseases such as HIV/AIDS and hepatitis.

Help them to be aware of more risks:

• Know the law. Steroids are illegal to possess without a prescription from a licensed physician. It is illegal for individuals to sell steroids.
• Get the facts. Doctors prescribe steroids for specific medical conditions. They are only safe for use when a doctor monitors the person.
• Know the risks. Illegal steroids are made overseas and smuggled into the United States or made in underground labs in this country. They pose greater health risks because they are not regulated by the government and may not be pure or labeled correctly.
• Look around you. The majority of teens aren’t using steroids. Among teenage males, who are most likely to use steroids, only 1.8 percent of 8th graders, 2.3 percent of 10th graders, and 3.2 percent of 12th graders reported steroid use in the past year.

Reference: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Be an educated parent, have safer and healthier teens!

Also watch video and read on Examiner.