Sue Scheff: Can you Get Along with Your Teenager?

Since being introduced to The Kids Awareness Series, I have discovered great articles in and information for parents of teens today.  It is not just limited to teens and has extensive information on ADD/ADHD/ODD and other labels that we hear about in kids today.  I recently read one of the books in the Kids Awareness Series, Understanding My ADHD, which is for young kids.  I passed it on to my 10 year old neice who quietly enjoyed it.

Here is one of the articles I feel can help parents with teens can benefit from.

Can You Get  Along with Your Teenager?

By Kara Tamanini

Of course the number one problem in getting along with your teenager is the inability to communicate with each other.  The first thing that needs to be done is to improve the steps in order to talk with your teenager.  Before you begin to have a discussion about anything with your teenager son or daughter, first agree on a few simple ground rules.  If the ground rules can not be agreed upon, than most likely the discussion will go nowhere.  Here are some simple rules in having a discussion or communicating with your teenager:

1.) Please, please remain calm.  Nothing ever gets solved by yelling or through anger.  Take an interest in what your teenager is saying.  There is nothing more aggravating to a teenager than feeling that their parents are “blowing them off”, I hear that all that time as a therapist.  Teenagers will tell me, “my parents think they know everything, they don’t even care what I think or feel.” 

2.) Listen to each other.  If both of you are talking at once and continually interrupt each other, then nothing will get fixed. 

3.) If the problem is a big one, then don’t try to fix the problem in just one discussion, sometimes it will take a number of discussions to fix the problem.

4.)  The discussions have to be a give and take between the parties and remember that no one will win here.  Nobody ever wins in a disagreement, compromise is the best solution.

5.) If you notice that one or both of you is getting increasingly angry or frustrated, then take a break and try your discussion later on.

Problem-solving takes these steps:

First, we define what the problem is and we have to agree upon this.  Be on the same page, otherwise you and your teenager may end up not even talking about the same thing.  Between the two of you, come up with some possible solutions.  Both of you need to be reasonable here.  Evaluate all of your solutions and come up with the best one that will work for the both of you.  Lastly, come up with a plan or course of action to the selected solution.  Solutions mean nothing if you don’t implement it and then continue to follow through.

Read more from Kara Tamanini at www.kidsawarenessseries.com

Sue Scheff: Power Moms Unite

Where were these great websites, articles, information and more when I was raising my ADHD son?  Well, in my defense, the Internet was not the wealth of information it is today that it was 20 years ago.  Parents are fortunate today there is so much information, research, parent networking and more today.  PowerMomsUnite is a fantastic website that has some articles, that as a parent of can ADHD child, can relate to and learn from.

What is a Power Mom?

Power Moms are moms working to successfully balance the needs of child, family, and self. Some work outside the home, balancing a career with the needs of their child, family and personal self. Other moms are working from home, managing families while managing a small home-based business or managing large families and a homeschool. There are a wide range of us- all power moms- looking to do our best at our many hats as mom- be that nuturer, coach, educator, cheerleader, psychologist, disciplinarian, party arranger, role-model, etc. The roles are vast and numerous, the balance often difficult to strike. This site hopes to empower these moms by providing timely, valuable and informative resources for celebrating family life and successfully managing ADHD.

Learn more at http://powermomsunite.com

Sue Scheff: Youth Gangs and Teen Gangs

As summer is here, teens, if not kept busy, could potentially find peer groups that are not what you would want him/her to hang with.  Teen Gangs can prey on kids that are not only followers, but have low self worth and want to belong – even if it is a negative peer group.  Learn more.

Gang activity in the United States is not always the way that the media portrays it. Gang violence is not restricted to inner city settings, nor is it simply the activity of minority groups. There are gangs in cities, suburbs, and even small town America and the violence that many of these gangs encourage and participate in is costing far too many lives. Most gangs are a loosely organized group of individuals who control a territory. A significant portion of gang violence stems from fighting over territory, which may be used to distribute drugs. Additionally, gangs tend to denote members through a sign or color. Two of the most well known gangs in the United States are the Bloods and the Crips which use the colors red and blue respectively.

Gangs often prey on the teenagers who wish to fit in. Being part of a gang can provide teenagers sought after friends and popularity. By joining a gang, teens have a social network already established for them with friends who are literally ready to die for them. This infrastructure can fill a void in a young person’s life quickly and easily; however, it is in a negative way. The teenage years are a formative and difficult time for many people and joining a gang is a simple way to feel liked and popular. This is especially appealing for individuals with low self confidence or who feel as if they do not fit in. In dangerous neighborhoods, joining a gang can actually provide protection from other gangs, which is attractive for many people.

Since the 1970’s, gang activity has spiraled out of control. Prior to the 70’s, fewer than half of the states were plagued by gang activity, but now there is not a single state that does not have to deal with youth gang activity. Violence and gang activity peaked in 1996, but has decreased overall since then. However, activity continues to increase in less urban settings and violence is continuing to become more lethal. Many people believe this is due to gangs’ involvement in the increasingly lucrative drug trafficking market. This is not the case. The increase in violence seems to be stem from the availability and easy access of lethal weapons. Additionally, cars have become a more common accessory in attacks on rival gangs.

I am Sue Scheff™, and my organization Parents Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.™) seeks to protect America’s teens. Keeping your troubled teen safe and on the right path in life can be an incredibly difficult task, but you are not the only one facing these problems, nor are you without resources. We as parents must work together to support one another and provide assistance and advice to educate and support one another through the difficult times. At P.U.R.E.™ you will find resources, including other parents who have faced the same trouble as you, which will alleviate the difficulties of raising a teenager.

If you are worried that your son or daughter has already or is likely to become involved with a gang, do not wait to seek help. We have compiled an abundance of useful resources on youth gang activity.

If the safety and well being of your teenager is at risk, do not hesitate to seek our support or professional help. Visit our website, Help Your Teens. The consultation service is free and any parent seeking help will be accommodated. You are not alone!

Learn more about Teen Gangs here.

Sue Scheff: Learn to Communicate with your Teenager

Learn to Communicate Effectively with Your Teen in 5 Days

By Denise Witmer, About.com

Parents have the same goal, to successfully parent their teen into happy and healthy adults. The most important parenting skill you will need to do this is effective communication. If you can effectively communicate with your teen, you can move mountains – or at least get them to clean their room on a regular basis. This free parenting class is set up for you to go through one lesson a day in five days. Once you incorporate these lessons into your talks with your teen, you will see an improvement in getting your teen to come to you when they need help, follow your rules and limits and be less stressed.

You can start at day one and follow through, day by day, or go to day five and learn by doing the analysis quiz or sign up for 5-day email lessons.

Sue Scheff: ADHD Summer Program

CHEERS means: Children Horses Emotional Enrichment Ranch/Stable

Welcome to Northern Florida, beautiful and full of fun and sun!  CHEERS Ranch and Danielle Herb  have come together to offer an educational and fantastic program in the month of June.

Danielle Herb is coming to CHEERS Ranch do 2 clinic’s in June with her program - ” Autism Day” June 25-26th and “DropYourReins”

WHAT: The ADHD Horse Level 1 Master Class is an exciting new weeklong program developed by Danielle Herb and Drop Your Reins to help you manage your ADD/ADHD using natural techniques and without the need for prescription drugs.

WHO: Children Diagnosed with ADHD/ADD Aged 10-16

Contact Danille for more information at http://www.adhdkidsscholarship.com/ or http://www.danielleherb.com/

WHEN: June 21-28, 2009

WHERE: CHEERS Ranch

Sue Scheff: Florida Summer ADD/ADHD Program for Kids

Wow, Danielle Herb  (check out her video) offers an amazing program for kids with ADD/ADHD as well as helping kids overcome their fears.  Since I am in Florida, I am always asked about programs here and honestly, there are not that many.  Well, not many in my opinion – if you know my story and my organization, I am a bit on the picky side.

Attention Children (Aged 10-16) With ADHD/ADD:

Horse Kid Scholarship 2009 for Danielle Herb’s ADHD Horse

Level 1 Master Class 21st – 28th June 2009- Visit http://www.adhdkidsscholarship.com/

Start Your Summer In Florida With Danielle Herb, The ADHD/ADD Natural Horsemanship Coach

WHAT: The ADHD Horse Level 1 Master Class is an exciting new weeklong program developed by Danielle Herb and Drop Your Reins to help you manage your ADD/ADHD using natural techniques and without the need for prescription drugs.

WHO: Children Diagnosed with ADHD/ADD Aged 10-16

WHEN: June 21-28, 2009

WHERE: North Florida (Location to be announced)

The Master Class will allow you to teach other young people the skills you learn, while at the same time teaching you how to manage your own ADD/ADHD by learning the language of the horse and mirroring.

By taking part in this Master Class you will discover:

• How to manage energy in Positive and Peaceful ways by allowing the horse to mirror you.
• How to improve your grades by developing a natural ability to focus.
• How to easily plan and manage your diet for natural, positive affects.

Winners of The ADHD/ADD Horse Kid Scholarship will receive:

• ADHD Horse Level 1 Coach Certification, allowing you to help other young people (worth $2499)
• Lodging and Meals for the duration of the Master Class
• A exclusive swag bag filled with books, music, DVD’s and services that will help you
• You will gain life skills which will help you to control your ADHD/ADD

Sue Scheff: Teen Love and Teen Breakups

This is an article many parents can not only relate to but most likely lived through years ago.  Generations of teens may change, but broken hearts are always extremely painful and can cause emotional stress and grief within your adolescent.  In many situations, a broken leg is less painful than a broken heart.

Source: MoreForKids.info (TM)

Parenting Teens: Breakups and Broken Heart

By Stephanie Partridge

The moment I heard my daughter’s voice on the other side of my bedroom door, I knew something was wrong. She knocked, waking me. I looked at the clock: 12 am. “Mom,” She said, “I need to talk to you.” Her voice was strained, tight. I could tell that she was struggling to keep it together. Something was wrong. I was out of bed in a heartbeat.

“What’s up?” I asked as I opened the door. Her face did not reveal much, but I could see she was upset. Her trembling hand matched her trembling voice as she thrust a cell phone at me.

“Look.” She said.

It took me a moment to process what I was seeing, a text from someone to someone asking for nude photos and promising nude photos in return. My first reaction was that she had encountered some pervert somewhere and he was soliciting her. My mind began forming a plan of action. I wanted to throttle the creep, then it hit me. I KNEW this number, the sender of the text message. I also realized that this was not her phone, but her friend’s cell. The picture slowly came into focus. My daughter’s boyfriend had sent this text to her friend! I felt the small hairs on the back of my neck bristle as the realization hit me. The boy was a player and my daughter was heartbroken.

What had started out as a joke, two teenage girls sending a random message to my daughter’s boyfriend had turned into major drama. A joke had turned into a tragedy. He had responded in a way that neither girl expected. At that midnight hour, the boyfriend had realized his blunder and come over to our house, only to be confronted by my son (also my daughter’s best friend and strongest ally) who was not too happy that his sister was hurt by this guy.

Major drama in our house that night.

In all, it came out that he was “talking” to lots of girls and that he had been cheating on my daughter from the beginning. As we all stood in my kitchen that Thursday night (the next day was a holiday for the kids, not for me) my daughter showed incredible strength and wisdom as she calmly confronted the boy and told him she wanted nothing to do with him ever again. However, although she was the one to break it off, she had still been betrayed. I wanted so badly to take those hurt feelings away from her, to protect her. But life just doesn’t work that way.

Broken hearts are a part of growing up and the teen years tend to be particularly prone to them. As parents, we watch our children struggle with the pain of growing up, the heartache of breakups and betrayals, and we wish that we could offer our children a magical pill that would rid them of heartbreak forever. But there is no such pill and even if there was, we can’t realistically shield our children from the hurts of the world. There is growth in pain and much like the steel of the sword becoming forged in the fire, we become stronger, smarter and wiser when we are faced with difficult times. To shield our children from this valuable and necessary process would be a disservice to them.

So, if we can’t or shouldn’t protect and shield our children from heartache, what can we do? Well, this is actually a time when your child needs not only a parent, but a friend as well. You can help to soothe the hurt, but also guide them through the growth process, help them learn the lessons that lie within. This is a delicate process, but not only will it help your child recover quicker, it will also draw them closer to you, improving your relationship with them.
Remember how it feels.
Think about when you were a teen and had your heart broken. At the time you felt as if your world was ending. Remember that time, the feelings that you had, the emptiness, frustration and hopelessness. Recall the physical reactions as well as your emotional ones. This will put you in the right place to relate to your child. Empathy is a powerful tool when you are reaching out to help your child.

Recognize that teens deal with pain in different ways.
Your teen may not deal with the pain in the same way that you deal with pain, or even the same way that their siblings deal with it. They may isolate themselves and cry, or they may act as if nothing is wrong and try to ignore it. It is not your place to dictate to them the “right” way to handle grief and pain. You can not try to mold them into the image you feel comfortable handling, you must meet them on their terms. By doing so, you are sending them the message that you seem them as an individual, you respect them and you accept them for who they are.

NEVER say “I Told you So.”
As a parent, you may be inclined to rant about the perpetrator of the pain, the heartbreaker. You may feel like saying, “I TOLD you that he was not good!” or “I warned you that she was going to do this!” These types of statements are not at all productive and will only serve to make your teen feel more like a failure while driving them further away from you.

Acknowledge that you may not be the hero this time.
As a parent, you instinctively want to take away the pain, to be the hero. However, you can’t always be the hero in your teen’s life. It is important that at this time you are there for you teen, but don’t force your way in. Keep yourself available and accessible, talking to your teen and, more importantly, listening, but don’t be get your feelings hurt when they reach out to their peers instead of you.

Encourage them to reach out for support. Friends are great for easing the pain of heartbreak. Encourage your child to establish a good support system and maintain it, even while in a relationship. Many people, both adults and teens, will neglect their friendships when in a relationship. This is a big mistake because we all need both friend relationships and romantic ones. Establishing this in your child early on will help them build and maintain a solid support system that extends beyond the family unit. Then, when heartbreak happens, you can encourage them to reach out into that support system and begin the healing process.

Listen without judgment.
Sometimes is it best to just shut up and listen. This is not the time to be critical or to point out all the mistakes that you teen made. This is not the time to tell you teen that they should have never gone out with the person. It isn’t even really the time to tell your teen that the pain will pass and they will feel better. These types of statements do not help at this time. Instead, ask questions, particularly those that encourage your teen to probe deeper into introspection. Ask questions like, “How do you think you can avoid this next time?” If they say there won’t be a next time, just say OK. Don’t argue or patronize or cajole. Just move on. Ask them what they learned, but don’t judge the answers. Just let them talk, regardless of how unrealistic the lessons seem. The true lessons are being learned and absorbed, don’t worry.

Know when it is time to get help.
Heartbreak is a part of life. You can’t get around it, can’t avoid it. We all have had our hearts broken, and we all got over it. However, if your teen seems particularly depressed and those feelings last for more than two weeks, it may be time to seek professional help. If you note a marked change in appetite, sleeping habits, performance at school, a disinterest in activities that they normally find enjoyable or a withdrawal from their friends, then you may need to intervene. A few days of this behavior, or even a week, is fairly normal, but if it is prolonged (more than two weeks) or is accompanied by thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with death, you need to step in and get them help.

You are a parent, but you are only human. You don’t always have all the answers and you can’t always cure all the hurts. And you know what? It’s OK.

Biography
Stephanie Partridge is a freelance writer and photographer as well as a FOIA analyst for a federal agency in Washington, D.C. She is a single mom to Jeffery, 19; Micah Elizabeth, 17 and Benjamin, 15. She is also the author of the ebook, “Diet is a Dirty Word.”

Sue Scheff: Girl Scouts of the USA and Microsoft Windows Launch Online Safety Campaign

Source: Press Release Today by Girl Scouts of the USA

NEW YORK, NY — 05/20/09 — Are you looking for new and innovative ideas that can help you get up to speed with online issues teens face every day? Maybe your teenager is looking for ways to get more involved with issues that pressure them online daily. If you answered “yes” you are certainly not alone. Girl Scouts of the USA and Microsoft Windows joined forces to create LMK (text speak for “let me know”) — an online safety resource where girls are the technology experts on subjects that are often best discussed at a teen-to-teen level, like cyberbullying, predators and social networking. This girl-led campaign allows girls to share their online concerns with peer “tech-perts” about the issues that affect them while raising awareness about how to keep girls (ages 13-17) safe while surfing the Web. In addition, parents have access to a site specifically geared to their needs, equipping them with the tools necessary to understand and act on the rapidly changing world of online safety.

 For most teen girls today, being online is part of a daily routine. Shannon, a member of the LMK editorial team, notes: “Now we have a chance to teach our parents a thing or two about the real issues we face every day.”

The campaign includes an interactive Web site for girls, as well as an e-newsletter and Web site for adults. Each month, the all-girl editorial board explores a different internet safety topic online and then shares what they learned in the e-newsletter which is distributed to adults the following month. The e-newsletter and parent site are designed to provide timely guidance and also serve as a tool to help families have open and honest conversations about the dangers that lurk in cyberspace. In addition, the girls’ Web site features forums, articles, quizzes, polls and a Question & Answer column from internet safety expert Parry Aftab. The program is open to everyone, Girl Scouts and non-Girl Scouts alike, as well as any adult who wants to learn about internet safety.

 

 

While the full scope of online threats, such as cyberbullying, are difficult to measure, we do know that nearly one in six U.S. children grades six to 10 is a victim of online bullying each year, according to the National Council of Juvenile Court Judges. Bullying is not “just a phase,” nor is it behavior in which “kids will be kids.” The repercussions of cyberbullying can be so grave that 14 U.S. states have passed or are proposing laws to make it a crime.

With detailed advice and information about online safety issues written by teen girls, this partnership between the Girl Scouts of the USA and Microsoft Windows provides resources for both teens and parents.

For more information, please visit the Web site for girls at: http://lmk.girlscouts.org

Sue Scheff: Top Ten Youth Volunteer Awards

The Prudential Spirit of Community Awards, the United States’ largest youth recognition program based solely on volunteer service. For their extraordinary efforts in serving others through volunteerism, ten middle and high school students from across the country were named America’s top ten youth volunteers for 2009 in a ceremony at the U.S. Chamber of Commerce headquarters, capping the 14th year of The Prudential Spirit of Community Awards.

Each year, The Prudential Spirit of Community Awards honors the outstanding community service of young Americans. The results are now in the top ten youth volunteers from the May 4th ceremony have been announced! Want to watch the winners receive their awards? I invite you readers to watch a webcast event, replaying all of the wonderfully inspiring moments and announcements:

http://www.visualwebcaster.com/event.asp?id=57997

 

You can get your children and community involved by encouraging them to visit http://spirit.prudential.com/ where they can find out how to become a nominee for next year’s honorary ceremony.

Sue Scheff: Families Fighting Flu

As a parent, you want to do everything in your power to protect your children. With the recent H1N1 flu outbreak (initially called “swine flu”), FFF is sharing some important steps that you can take right now to help protect you and your loved ones.

1. Covering your nose and mouth when you cough or sneeze. You can even teach your children to cough into their elbows.

2. Stressing the importance of washing hands often with soap and water. Any alcohol-based hand cleansers are effective as well.

3. Disinfecting frequently touched surfaces with an appropriate bleach-based solution. As you know, germs can spread by touching infected surfaces and then your eyes, nose or mouth.

For more information, please visit http://www.familiesfightingflu.org/ and please listen to this Public Service Announcement: http://www.westglen.com/online/17695.mp3